So, in my practice I do work with individuals who come to me wanting to explore what they think of as “sex addiction.” This title, be it self imposed or given to them by a partner, their religious institute, or some website that they look up in desperation to try and understand what is happening to them is a bot misleading and not really the whole story. In short, my therapeutic views do not align with calling an individual an addict due to their sexual needs. The issue is way more complex than that. Everyone has different levels of sexual needs, and those levels can shift from time to time. If someone comes in saying that their sexual needs are a problem for them, I am more than willing to explore what they are seeing as the issue. My first course of action is to destigmatize one’s sexual desire and help them reorient back towards what I view as “compulsions” and “out of control sexual behavior” ( a good book to look at is Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction by Vigorito and Braun-Harvey)

One of the things I start out on in relation to working with clients who are seeking help is to do a in depth overview of their sexual understandings; both of their needs and their partners needs. This exploration usually gives a solid glimpse into the client’s actions, desires, needs, possible traumas, or what may be missing in their understanding of their sexuality and/or their relationship. It is never a quick and easy discovery, but one that allows the client to do a deep, personal exploration into their past and present education around what sex is, or what sex is not. From there we can establish solid healthy patterns of how to be in relationship with their own bodies as well as those they are having sexual connections with. My main goal is to avoid stigma and shame around sexual health, and normalize and find an equilibrium to the experiences that are happening both in and out of the bedroom.